For some people, living life without being in a relationship with someone else is a cruel punishment. Some individuals are happy being single and enjoying the company of their friends and family, while others want to be closer to someone. They want to spend their life with a person that will greet them at the end of a long day, listen to their worries, and share their life with them. They don't want to spend every Valentine's day alone. They want to enjoy anniversaries.
Because of this, sometimes these individuals cling to relationships that are wrong for them, or make mistakes that ruin good relationships they are in. Today we're going to talk about the latter.
If you've found yourself in a viscous cycle of failed relationships, there may be some key mistakes you're making that are ruining your chances at true love.
Love Shouldn't be Blind
Being in love does a number to your brain. Your hormones are surging and that feeling of happiness floods every centimetre of your skin. It's a magnificent feeling, but it can also be a misleading one.
Have you ever met someone's girlfriend or boyfriend and immediately couldn't stand them? Maybe they chew their food with their mouth open or interrupt every sentence that tries to come out of your mouth. You look at your friend, wondering how they can stand to be with this person, and you see it: that dopey grin spreading across their face as they hand on the girlfriend's/boyfriend's every word.
This is a problem that often happens in a relationship, especially early on. You don't seem to realise the individual you are with is a human being. You're blinded. In your eyes, they are perfect, flawless. Even though they aren't. The truth is, everyone has their issues. Ignoring them at the beginning of a relationship is natural. However, when your eyes do open and see them for who they really are, you might tuck your tail and run.
So how do you get around this problem? Honesty. Find someone who can be honest with you about who they are and what their flaws are. Let them help you open your eyes so you can deal with those annoying habit they have and determine if it's going to stop you from loving them. Don't wait until the shock is so great you feel like you have to run in the other direction.
Many of us make the mistake of choosing the wrong people to begin relationships with... again and again and again. Logically, we know that these individuals are wrong for us, but we still choose them. This can start a cycle that can be hard to stop.
When looking for a significant other, don't make the mistake of choosing someone who is wrong for you from the start. Consider your compatibility. Do you share the same level of independence? Do you fulfil their wishes for a relationship? Do they fulfil yours? Are you both open-minded to the craziness you'll bring to each others lives? If you can't stand that she owns five dogs and wants to start her own in-home rescue shelter, the relationship is doomed from the start.
Being happy, honestly and truly happy, 100% of the time is hard. But even if you're shooting for 80%, the job is still a big one. If you have to rely on your partner to make you happy all of the time, it's going to put a strain on your relationship.
You need to be able to make yourself happy, even without their influence.
You've caught your fish, so why bother climbing into the boat anymore, right? Wrong. Whether you're in a long-term relationship, engaged, or married, you need to put some sort of effort into your appearance. They may love you no matter what, whether you're wearing stunning navy suits as you take them to the opera or wearing sweatpants as you settle into a night watching television, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't make an effort.
Wear men's suits on occasion. Shave your beard. Go out in a tweed jacket. Dress up and give her an excuse to do the same. Make each day as exciting and memorable as you can. Show her she's worth looking good for.
You're not always right. And neither is she. The problem is, if you don't communicate, you'll never get to the bottom of what actually is right. You'll never be able to move on. This can breed resentment, frustration, and judgemental thinking, all of which can lead to the end of your relationship.
While a lack of affection can definitely cause problems in a relationship, a lack of emotional intimacy can as well. Do you care about her feelings, her goals in life, the struggles of her past, or what makes her happy? If you're going to be in a relationship, you have to dive deeper than just small talk. You need to be able to connect with another person, share their interests, and be able to have intimate conversations, where you can empathise with them.
Everyone has their own opinions, thoughts, and beliefs. While you can disagree with another person's opinions, that doesn't mean you can disrespectfully judge them and attempt to change them. Don't attack their personality, their values, or their intelligence this way. A relationship needs acceptance and emotional safety.
Selfishness isn't always easy to spot, especially when you're the one at fault. After years of deciding what you wanted to do on your own, it can sometimes be hard to do what another person wants. As a result, you may try to convince them or negotiate with them to see things your way. It may not feel like it, but this is selfishness, and it can quickly lead to your partner feeling unloved and uncared for.
Having trouble making your relationships last? It could be because you're making one of these mistakes. Invest in a men's tweed jacket, give a little, tell them about your hopes and fears, and go into the relationship with open eyes. You might just have a chance of finding that true love and making things last.